One and a Half Front Pike Reverse

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Dive meets are really freaking long.  RFL for short.  I had to come up with something short about it.  Watching over 50 kids jump off the board in 5 rounds of dives in 115 degree weather without shade feels like a taste of fire and brimstone.  And eternity.

We will skip the pizza lunchable for today though.  Scooping out a melted greasy mound of gooey cheese is not what the lunchable people had in mind.  Or maybe we should learn from the locals and show up with a huge beach umbrella and a extra large cooler on rollers.  Seriously.

Joyce has only missed one dive meet this season.  I was at a cub-scout day camp that day.  That day camp is a subject worthy of it’s own post.  I will say this about that day:  It started at high noon and didn’t end until I had been completely baked, drenched, ignored, and bossed.  Throw in some deceleration on the freeway caused by attempting to drive an old suburban across the sun and an exchange of insurance information at 11:00 o’clock at night (I backed into someone’s van.)  just before FINALLY leaving the stupid parking lot so I could FINALLY get these boys back home and you’ve got Cub Scout Day Camp 2010.  I had better blog about it, because it ain’t gonna happen again.

Signing kids up for stuff always looks doable on paper.  I look at the schedule and nod and smile and say, “No problem!  6 weeks isn’t that long!  Just 1 dive meet a week….EASY!”  The dive team description should have had useful information in there.  Like this:

Parents:  Plan on your kid asking you to sit on those metal bleacher things for an hour everyday so you can watch her throw a front tuck for the millionth time at practice week after week.  Plan on wetting yourself from top to bottom at the 4 hour weekly dive meets with sweat and tears because you will not find shade or relief of any kind from the relentless Arizona sun and the old woman who insists on standing so close behind you to take pictures of her grandson jumping off the diving board in some sort of flailing bouncy weird sort of fall that you can feel her stomach massaging your neck and her camera strap caressing your ear.  If this does not sound like fun to you please think about this decision very carefully.  Do you or do you not suffer all kinds of hellish discomfort for the sake of your 11 year old daughter who is desperately trying to find something she loves and may even be good at?

Okay fine.  I guess I would’ve signed her up anyway.  I think I will go sit in the garage freezer for a while.  Maybe I can spend half the meet just thawing out.  🙂


~ by pandmcox on July 9, 2010.

14 Responses to “One and a Half Front Pike Reverse”

  1. What a good idea! (sitting in the freezer first so you can thaw instead of bake) ;D

    I hope you have a big umbrella with a built in mister (the thing that sprays water).

  2. LOL. I’ll see if can keep granny shutter-bug from massaging your neck – even if it was just with her belly – at the meet tonight.

  3. What a good mom you are. And with your description, I unfortunately felt like I was there. Sweat drops and all.

    • i forgot to mention my flip flops getting so hot last time that i had to take them off and hide my feet under my bottom. where is my MISTER????

  4. You are a better mom than I. That’s all I can say.

  5. Oh I am laughing, gagging, and shuddering all at the same time with the images of that lady massaging your neck!

    I’ve said it once or twice, I’ll say it again. You have a way of writing that is just brilliant! I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!

  6. About that lady – we were on a really, REALLY long flight back from the east coast in a very small airplane – full of middle-aged garden club women on a junket. They were told not to line up for the bathroom. I was in the second to last row BEFORE the bathroom. They lined up anyway, several hundred women who weighed in between two and three hundred pounds and had a hard time making it down the tiny aisle even when nobody was trying to get past them. Somehow, they ended up waiting in line with their backs to my seat, which meant that I got a face full of fulsome butt – which would shift as the airplane moved, then move along, making room for the slap of a NEW fulsome butt. And they never, I guess, wondered who it was back there, supporting them.

    The heat? Texas. No beach. 120 percent humidity. You can’t even sweat there. If I were you, I’d have taken Paul by the throat and told him that going north was the ONLY OPTION, high prices or NO high prices. But honestly? I hope J finds her Thing. I never did. Chaz can’t. We live a life of still searching and never feeling good about anything. If this is it for her, then the price you pay is worth it.

    • oh, that is just….hilarious…and gross. about the bottoms. ewwww.

      i tried to go north. i tried. hard. very hard. but the river was going south. i lost the river on the way down…but i am sure it is here somewhere.

      i hope joyce finds her thing too. especially if that thing is being as fabulous as char. i love that girl.


  7. Heh.HEh.HEH. I’m not laughing. Not really. Okay, I’m laughing. This is so flipping funny. The things we do for our kids. The things they don’t even realize we do for them.

    I can empathize in part–those tumbling meets are (literally) days long. The seats are hard (at one, I had to sit on top of a trash can). The visibility is not always great. I loved your elderly lady’s belly rub–too funny, and too true. The only thing we don’t really have to deal with, thank GOD, is the heat and sun. I don’t envy you that.

    Enjoy the rest of your summer. I’ll be suffering through Lawson’s swim classes along with you. 😉

    • I am going to try and reply to this comment in my email…let’s see if this works!

      Lori! Oh….yes. Tumbling. Swim classes. It is all right up there. Really stinking long and really stinking uncomfortable. One comforting thought: Our kids will most likely get to sit through something similar someday. Now we can laugh! 🙂

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