Avoiding Pain
The dream I woke up from Saturday morning left me feeling hopeless. It was a powerful dream about the evils of the world being presented to our children at a young age. I tried to convince the man responsible that what he had done was horribly wrong. I tried to make him understand. He only laughed.
I don’t know that I have ever had such a powerful dream. I did not know that I could bear the pain of what our children would face in their lives. I know this sounds drastic and a bit melodramatic. However, this world has evil to offer even the youngest of children and we are not completely safe from these influences ourselves. I was filled with despair and darkness.
And then I went on a run.
This is my journal entry explaining the experience I had while running:
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“i have been crushed since having that dream. but i have not ceased praying and asking for help. right in the middle of running i understood something. i had to stop running i was so overcome by it. i (and every other woman out there) will never avoid the pain of having children. from the very moment we conceive we experience pain. the birth of that child being the most painful in most cases. at least that was my experience. this does not change. our children (just like everyone else) will have to be re-born over and over again through the course of their lives. and to the mother of those children, and to her alone, will the pain be the greatest. just as in childbirth from the very beginning. and then i realized this: if i had to do it all over again to have these children i would. i would do it again. if i had to. and the fact is, i will have to. that is what we are facing. and just as the joy swallows the pain up at the birth of a baby so it will be when these children experience a re-birth when they sin and repent and come to Christ. and they all will. and now i know what my job is. i am there for them just as i have always been. bearing the pain of being a mother with Christ as my Hope and the Spirit as my comforter and my husband as my support and my love and my companion. we will go through these pains as we always have. together. holding hands. making a good team.” |
And so I won’t be avoiding the pain of raising children. There is no going back. Not that I would.
I love being a mom. I love being a woman of strength. Bearing children. Feeling pain. Feeling joy.
Amen to Motherhood.
pandmcox
magnificent.
And let me tell you my story: I went to Barnes and Noble with Gin. In the course of carrying the baby around, wandering and waiting for Max to pick something, I found myself beside the shelf of Young Adult books. Years ago when I was writing, there was only this one shelf of them. But it didn’t look like this. The shelf was named “Young Adult Urban Fantasy Romance.” It was taller than my head and at least five feet wide. And it was full of books with black covers. All of them. Black. With various scenes of melodramatic and intense romantic (and sexual entanglement).
I thought, No wonder I don’t sell anymore.
One second later, I turned the corner, going around the end of that shelf and turning so as to pass behind it – I found I was between two more shelves. These were called Young Adult Romance. Young Adult Literature – and they must have been twenty feet long. A twenty foot corridor of black, sexual covers. Some with young women’s torso’s draped in pastel, filmy fabric, their legs bear, some with young men, shirtless – sometimes with feathered wings growing our of their shoulder blades – all in the attitude of young women conquered, helpless in their passion.
I stopped dead. And if you can believe it, I was speechless. It wasn’t till we got back into the car that I could say what I had felt – as though I had walked into a hall full of dark mist. I realized that what I had seen felt like a brazen, entirely deliberate assault on our youth. If the young women can be dazzled by this spangled dark promise of passion as happiness, then there is no hope for the young men, and certainly no hope for the children to come.
I have never felt it so strongly. I felt like I had been slapped in the face by a laughing man. And I didn’t know what to do.
well. i feel understood to say the least. thank you.
of course, you understood this forever ago…with twilight and everything else. you were right. i knew it then but didn’t really understand.
all it takes is having a teenage boy. and a teenage daughter who will be marrying what was once (like 2 seconds ago) a teenage boy. and then multiply that. now i am seriously wondering how certain authors can sleep at night.
i feel it now, with hunger games. everyone still thinks those books are great. movie will be out soon. it is all trash. and i am tired of trash. and i am done being quiet about it.
Honey – she who has been (nearly) a lone voice in the wilderness WELCOMES ANOTHER OUTCAST. I hope you mean it. Being done being quiet about it. Because only mother’s voices are going to do anything about any of this in the end. Rachel’s with us. Two shoulders covered, shoulder to shoulder. HOWL!!
Ladies, I am feeling the same way. I’m a fighter by nature. I want to fend off anything that I feel is an attack. And I have been feeling the attack pretty hard the past few years. My oldest being a teenager….. But how do you fight off an attack when everyone around you is telling you to “relax”, or it is “okay”.
I find it very hard to be accepting to the war that is raging these days. I have found myself relating to individuals in the scriptures crying repentance. I feel stoned at times. Not literally, of course. But with looks and comments of how ridiculous and unreasonable I am, because I am a fighter and don’t accept that everything is alright. I’m not standing on a city wall, but by taking a stand and not participating, they feel I am chastising what they are doing. By not allowing youth around us to talk meanly, or not laughing at the inappropriate joke, or admitting we don’t read that book no matter who the author is, we are the ones who are shunned.
I could relate to your story so well. Pain is definitely what I feel. I see parents “avoiding” the pain all the time. They don’t fight for what is right. They give up. They succumb to the pressures. They allow their children to follow the world’s footsteps, instead of Christ’s. It seems easier.
Thank you for the reminder. It comes at a great time. I’m gonna continue the fight. I’m gonna push through all the pain. I’m gonna cherish the great moments, and relish in being called to bear the burden of my children as they trod through adolescence.
Love ya,
amen. amen. amen.
it is time to vocalize. it is time to stand up. it is time to face the fear of rejection. and that is just us adults! imagine what our youth get to do!
oh life.
Teresa – it’s funny. People I know think I’m so fierce, they don’t tell me to relax about these things – they just talk about me behind my back. And I don’t care. I really don’t. If winning friendship status in the Girl Talk club means compromising my children’s (and their children’s) safety, to (okay I won’t say it) with it. People tell you those things because they are LAZY and afraid. They aren’t thinking critically or even intelligently – they’re in the lazy river, floating along, and they don’t want other people to look at THEM funny. They don’t want conflict, so they don’t look at what they don’t want to see. That’s how my dog used to handle things that bothered him – he simply would NOT look at them. The horses, you couldn’t make him look at them; he wouldn’t turn his head that way even if you held his body so that he should be facing them.
They don’t want you making waves. And they don’t want you making them feel guilty for making waves. Someone at lunch with me today snapped at me today for saying, “Can’t drink that because of the sugar,” mad at me because she knew she shouldn’t be doing the sugar (she wants to lose weight) and me saying that made her feel guilty for doing it anyway. Obviously, my fault, altogether. It’s never going to go away. You just have to blow it off. OOOOFF. Wanna join the outcast club?
Love the post! Now that is one club I will proudly join.